Photo: Karah Levely-Rinaldi

The Golden Rules of High Self Esteem

Over the years I collected nuggets of wisdom which I kept in a small file with 6 rings like an organiser or Filofax — clearly before the days of Evernote and Pocket. In a recent review, I noticed this one about self esteem which I found very useful to re-read. I cannot credit the original author (to my chagrin) because the A4 reduced to organiser-size photocopy contains no clues. We probably all understand and use these rules although I had not seen them all together since the time I had originally filed it or on the last review. All 7 rules together are a powerful way to help build high self esteem and so I wanted to store them and share them.

1. Make a decision from this moment on that you are going to think, act and speak positively about yourself. Stop running yourself down and start building yourself up. Notice all your good points — in personality and appearance — and write them down if necessary.
2. If you start criticizing yourself then think of a surrealistic phrase like “charcoal car” or something similarly meaningless. That will stop the negative thought(s).Then immediately switch to a positive thought (something you achieved against the odds) and stop punishing yourself for mistakes in the past.
3. Let go of any bitterness or resentment you feel towards others. They will harm you more than them, and are a pointless burden to carry around.
4. Debrief after any significant action, successful or not: first consider all the positive things you said or did, notice any positive outcomes, intended or unexpected. Only then think about interesting things you said or did which need not necessarily have led to the outcomes you desired. Reflect if any of these thoughts or actions are ones worth repeating in the future. Only then deal with the setbacks and blunders and use them as a lesson to avoid them. I remember this as PIN — positive — interesting — negative.
5. Spend time with people who will help and support you. Avoid negative, overly critical individuals who engender feelings of gloom and doom. My friend Gilbert Gabriel refers to them as the ‘dark stars’. The fact that they have significant personal problems is no reason for you to be burdened with their troubles.
6. Prepare a list of things that give you pleasure. They don’t have to be large, elaborate or costly. Make a decision to do at least one of them in the next 7 days.
7. Use an affirmation technique to reaffirm positive thoughts. Choose a time of day in which you can find some time to be quiet— if necessary when you are in bed before falling asleep — and spend a couple of minutes relaxing. Then choose an affirmation that you feel comfortable with and repeat it about half a dozen times. An affirmation should be in the present tense as it is important to create it as if it already exists. “I now run a successfull advertising consultancy”. This is not lying to yourself; it is acknowledging the fact that everything is created first on the mental plane. Here are four examples — the best affirmations will be the ones that you tailor for yourself! The dots indicate where you should say your name:

When I first read about this technique I approached it with a growth mindset and not a closed one and I found it very helpful. We all have a great deal to offer the world and to each other, each in our own special and unique way. Our own personal sense of well-being is key to us being able to contribute to the lives of others and that is one of life’s ultimate rewards.